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There are several things that have been on my mind as we enter graduation month.

For one thing it makes me a little jealous that there are people who are about to be done with their college education and I am still going to school. not a bad jealous but more of a dam its awesome that they are almost done I can’t wait until it is my turn to be finished with school. To be able to wear a graduation gown and walk on that stage to receive the piece of paper that made me stress out so many nights and made me wish that I just gave up. BUT it is also the piece of paper that will make my parents proud of me for having completed my education. Yet even a college degree does not guarantee that I will get a good paying job.

Each graduation season I feel like they spit out all of these college graduates that are promised a better future yet they end up working in fields that have nothing to do with what they went to college for, and it is honestly scary.

Of course it really depends on each individual and how much they fight to get the positions that they want but also the work force keeps getting harder and harder. Companies want to hire people who have experience over people who are barely graduating. You see those craigslist ads that ask for 5+ years of experience minimum and then you have no experience so you don’t even apply for those jobs. Or when you go to interviews even in minimum wage jobs they want to hire people who already have experience because they don’t have to teach them anything those people already know what they are supposed to do. But what about everyone else who is trying to make their way into a career, yes you have to start from the bottom up but what are you supposed to do when even at the bottom they try an ask for years of experience already. It doesn’t make any sense to do that in my opinion. 

It is kinda of discouraging as well when you meet people who work at clothing stores or at Starbucks (not that there is anything wrong with those jobs) who have a college education who did well during their college education yet they were not able to find a job in their field and now are drowning with debt. All those late night study sessions and the stress over finals at the end of the semester and it was for nothing. Above all though accumulating college debt is my number one fear. 

That is something else that is crazy. How we are taught that we need and education to have a successful future yet when we go through college we are expected to pay thousands of dollars for that education and in the end we owe so much more money that we never fully pay it off. I have heard so many crazy stories about college debt that if it comes down to it id rather not even go through it. I used to work for a company that helped people consolidate their student loans. yes thats something that you can do on your own and all that but I needed a job so thats what I did. Any who while in that job I had so many people tell me how they wish that they hadn’t taken out so many loans because of the problems that it caused them. I had a lady cry over the phone because her college debt had literally been stressing her out so much that she ended up getting divorced from her husband and having to move back in with her parents. This came from a 48 year old women. Then I had someone else tell me he didn’t even know why he went to school because he wasn’t someone who was even smart enough to pass his classes. Honestly I don’t even know what I would have done if I was in the position of the people who I talked to when I had that job. 

I do believe that an education is important to be honest and I think that it is better to have a degree than not but I am also realistic to the fact that I might end up doing something unrelated to it. If it was up to me I would have chosen to become an archeologist or something that involved some type of history in it. It probably might not be the most realistic type of jobs but it is something that I would have loved. Instead I went for something that is more common and generic because it will give me (hopefully) a 9-5 job with a good salary. Unfortunately the reality of life is that not everyone will end up actually using their college degree. 

What can be more rewarding ? going for what you love with the idea that it might not end well financially or going for something that you already know you will be okay at and you will be able to have a more stable salary ? in the end I was told that you should do what you love. For example if you love music than go for it because if you really love it and you work hard towards accomplishing your goals than eventually you will be able to succeed or atleast thats what all the famous people say that they do right ? is it just luck that really got them where they are? not just the talent? it must have been one of those events in life where they happened to be in the right place at the right time with the right people around them to see what they were really about. 

But then again this is just the rambling of someone who is going through finals at the moment while having a full time job and also working on more essays than I can count on one hand so I’m being over dramatic to be honest about the whole situation.

How are all of you dealing with finals at the moment?

For me its the promise that once I am done I will be free from anything school related

So another year of my life has gone and a new one begins.

This week I turned 24 and gosh I don't even know where time has gone, yeah I'm not that old but it feels like time is just flying by.

This past year has been well not the best but not the worst either, its been ehh to be honest. 

But I plan on making the most of everything now.

anyways, I thought I would share what I did on my birthday because why not.

On the day of, I wanted to hang out with my friends but unfortunately the older you get the harder it is to have all of your friends come together because of work or just other commitments. I had fun though with the girls that I got to spend it with. 

I also realized that last year on my birthday I had spent it with a group of 2 girls who weren't even involved in my birthday this year, which to be honest probably wouldn't have even talked to me if i hadn't invited to come out and even though they said yes

 they backed out at the last minute. 

The thing about me though is that it is very hard for me to trust people, yes thats my own problem but I don't stick around people long enough to allow them to earn my trust. I slowly begin to drift away from people that I surround myself with. A couple times I try to stay in touch but if I feel like they are not making an effort either than I just give up as well because why should I try ?

Maybe its wrong for me to think that but I cant help it.

But regardless of that I thought of reaching out to people who I was really closed to a couple months ago an try to get them to do something with me, not just go to a club or bar but to have dinner or something but there was no effort on the other side. The only thing it makes me think is that 1. I don't want to look pushy and needy for constantly asking to hang out and 2. maybe we weren't as close as I had thought. But those are just the thoughts that go in my mind and half of it is my fault the other is not.

I need to appreciate the friends that I have now and try to create lasting relationships with people

 because we all need interaction with others to help you when you are having a rough time.

My birthday was pretty good though, I'm not going to deny that.

The following day I actually went to Los Angeles with my family to spend the day.

We went to the Last Bookstore which was honestly pretty awesome, yeah its probably not something that you might want to do on your birthday BUT i enjoyed going through all the books and plus the library is pretty interesting looking inside as well.

after that we went to LACMA  although we didn't get to go inside I was able to show my little sister the tar pits 

and the very famous lamp post that are outside of it.

From there we headed to the grove and then out last stop was at the Griffith Observatory.

 Because we went at night time we were able to see all the lights form LA, and it was a beautiful site to be honest.

I didn't do anything crazy or out of the ordinary for my birthday but I had a pretty good time 

and I think that enjoying what I was doing was all that mattered.

All I can think about now is wow I'm closer to 30.

Hi guys,

I find it funny how many times I have started over and over this blog well more

like tried but gave up.I find that yes I love to write  but I also have been lacking the motivation that I needed to get up and do what I love. 

I fell into this downward spiral that has honestly lasted about 2 years. It lead me 

to leave the fashion world that I honestly love and it also took me to a very unhealthy relationship and unhealthy lifestyle. By unhealthy I mean that I stopped taking care of myself both physically and mentally. It has honestly been probably one of the worst times of my life. 

But I am sitting here now, typing this making a commitment to myself. To do what I love to do no matter what it is as well as trying new things in life. I am still young and I still have a lot that I need to do in this world to make a change not just for myself but hopefully inspire others even if it is just my younger sisters. I want to be a positive influence not someone who is seen as the 

“what you shouldn't do” example. 

As my birthday approaches (2 days from today) I realize that enough is enough and that I cant sit on my ass and not do something about it. 

I commit to keep myself accountable for the next couple of months to have a different lifestyle so that I become a better, well rounded person. I used to love 

reading and I cannot remember the last time I opened up a book in the past 2 

years. This blog will be a lifestyle blog, I will write about anything and everything that I find interesting. It could be a fashion post or maybe about a topic I heard of online, about my fitness journey to get back to a healthy lifestyle

 or about a book that I just finished reading. 

Either way I commit to make the change that needs to happen before I look back and regret not doing all the things that I should have done 

while I still have the chance.

We all go through a period in our lives where we are in a rut and don't know what to do, but what matters is that we find the motivation to climb out of the hole that we dug up on our own and make the change. Yes its hard but nobody will save us from our own wrong doings, they can help but it is up to us to accept the help.

I felt for a very long time that the things happening around me weren't my fault and that if it was my fault that there was nothing I could do to avoid them but in reality I had given up. It is hard to admit that to myself because I have always been a very confident person but one event in your life and totally throw your entire life upside down and cause so much chaos that you don't even realize what is going on until it is too late. Yes it took me 2 years to realize how wrong I was and for that switch to click 

BUT it happened and now it is up to me to move forward. 

Life is about learning and growing and that is exactly what I intend to do, yes I probably wont do well in everything I try to do but I commit to give it my 110% every single time no matter what, and if I fail its because I tried but it just wasn't meant to be and not because I tried and simply gave up because it was too hard.

Im not sure what my plan is but ill figure it out as I go and so will whoever chooses to accompany me in this journey through my blog. Maybe your someone going through the same situation as well and we can motivate each other. 

But for now I say goodnight.

byeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

p.s. I though of deleting my previews post but ehh I think ill keep some of them as a way to remember what it was before